Please Remember Me
by drama-princess
Summary: After Satine dies, she awakens to find herself in a place she'd never dreamed of. She is offered a chance to go back and bring Christian with her, but when she arrives, she finds that life is very different from how she left it. . .


Please Remember Me  
  


I will love you. . .yes, I will love you! Christian and I sat on the shoulders of the cast, our hands extended towards each other. I smiled joyously out at him, at that beautiful face that reflected the spirit of the man I loved All was forgotten in that wonderful moment suspended on stage. I forgot I was dying, and the Duke slipped away from my mind, never to be remembered again. The flower petals poured down on us, like the final blessing from heaven on our love. My penniless poet, the keeper of my heart. . .   
  
I will love you. . .until my. . dying. . . .day! The first, exquisite taste of pure happiness left me dizzy. There was nothing to trouble me now. I was here, with Christian. Oh, my love, my love. . . the long coveted applause filled the house, but I no longer cared. We would leave this place, crowned king and queen of the underworld, and fly away together. I loved him and he, enchanted boy that he was, loved me in return! The words tasted so sweet on my lips, and I drank thirstily of the cup life finally offered me.   
  
Stand by for curtain call! Dancers, positions please! The rose petals continued to fall, but I felt a strange touch of fear and pain. We kissed deeply, and the agony shot through me, beginning with my breath and exploding in my entire body. He was pulling on my hand, but I was lost to his touch for the first time, trying desperately to overcome the force wracking me entire body. Not here! I cried, oh, please, not now, let me live for just a little while longer!   
  
My mouth opened in a silent scream and my breath became labored, struggling not to cough my lifeblood up.  
  
Christian's voice was horrified, and I closed my eyes in an effort to will the illness away one last time. The coughs came faster now, shaking my body, destroying it. I tried to answer him, to soothe away his fears, but all I could do was cough. I could taste the sickly sweet flavor of blood in my throat and mouth. His voice was panicking now, speaking in a heavy whisper. All right. . .you'll be all right, he muttered, trying to convince himself and the world that it had to be so. Oh, Christian. . . no, my love. It will never be all right again.   
  
Darling, darling, what's the matter? Satine-- what's the matter? My breath came in sharp, ragged gasps, and I clung to his arms so tightly, willing myself to hold onto him. I could not let him go now. . . these were my final moments. I knew it instinctively, like the way one knows when. . . when you fall in love. Love. . . oh, Christian. . . my body was heavy and listless, and wouldn't respond to my demands that I stand and pronounce myself all right. I would do anything for him, but I couldn't do this.   
  
Oh, God. . .oh, God, Christian's horrified voice cut through the haze of pain I felt. Somebody get some help! his voice was raw now, and I could hear the pleading in it. He knew, then, now in this fatal moment. Harold said something about the doctor, and I felt a twinge of love for the man who'd been the only father I had ever known. But it wasn't he who deserved my final words.   
  
I'm sorry, Christian, I whispered, each word cutting like a knife through my lungs. I had to tell him, though. . . he had to hear it from me. I couldn't bring myself to say it. I didn't want to see the sudden loss of hope in his eyes. I arched my head back and gave into the swirling mass of pain. I'm dying. The shock and anguish that instantly appeared in his eyes hurt my soul more than anything else could now.   
  
he whispered, battling back tears. I looked up at him sadly. He had to know, had to understand in the last, fleeting moment I had to give him. Shh. . . I whimpered from all the pain that swept over me. Waves and waves of it battered at my defenses, sneering at the medication I'd been given.   
  
I'm sorry, I cried again. Sorry for not telling you sooner, my darling poet. You should have known. I should have spoken the truth that cold, rainy night, rather than leaving you with your misery. As I looked up at him, it struck me that he was more alive than I ever was. Even in grief, he wasn't the pale, fragile creature I had become. He was so strong and full of life.   
  
You'll be all right, you'll be all right. He hysterically repeated the words, as if casting some magic spell that would keep me here.   
  
No, my love.  
  
I'm cold. . . I whispered to him, seeking solace this one final time. Tuck the blankets around me, Christian, keep me safe. I'm cold. . . He was sobbing now, the tears threatening to fall. I wanted to kiss them away, but I was so cold . . . Hold me, I whispered. Hold me one before I have to leave you. His touch calmed the pain a little, and I managed to speak the words.   
  
You've got to go on, Christian, I said, barely audible through the wispy breath I could gather into my lungs. He had to go on for me. He was so beautiful. . . and his time was still so far away.   
  
Can't go on without you, though, he whispered, a desperate laugh breaking through his tears. I ignored his protest, forcing myself to say the things I needed to leave him with.   
  
You've got so much to give, I whispered. He was so full of love and life, and I couldn't let it die with me. There were other dreams for my poet, dreams that I once thought I'd live beside him. But now-- I had one thing left to give him.   
  
Tell our story, Christian.   
  
he cried softly, tears flowing freely down his face.   
  
I murmured drowsily. Promise me. . . I summoned one more part of energy in me, and spoke the next words in a harsh whisper. Promise me!   
  
He would. I knew it then. I saw the beginning of painful resignation in his face. I tried to touch him, but my hand hung limp at my side. I saw the darkness beneath me yawn, drawing me in. I ignored it and focused on my words to Christian.   
  
That way. . . oh, God, I was slipping so fast. I'll. . . .always be with you. . . I gave one more agonized gasp, and then it all dissolved into a soft, warm, comforting sea of light. I was cradled in that presence, but through it all, I could hear Christian's sobs as he cradled my empty shell of a body on that stage.   
  
I screamed, and reached out a flailing hand to try and stay with him. I could see his face, streaked with tears and contorted with the pain. No, I had to stay with him! He needed me! I needed him like I'd never need anyone else!   
  
No, child, a voice said softly. It's your time now. He cannot follow you here.   
  
I cried freely, like a small child, and curled up into a ball, letting the current of light carry me away. Away from Christian. . . my fingers slowly unfolded and reached out towards him. Christian. . . Christian. . .  
  
Shh, shh, sweetheart. You can breathe easy now. The voice was kind, and I felt a warm hand stroking my forehead. I raised my head slowly from the exhaustion of grief, and my eyes blinked open. That was a hard transition. The woman clucked softly, her hand continuing its comforting path up my hair. Never seen one quite so hard in a while. Lovers are always the hardest to part. I looked up at her, and a strange expression came across her face. Always the hardest to part.   
  
Who are you? my voice was smooth again, no longer tortured by the hideous pain that accompanied every word and note. The woman-- small and pretty, her eyes seemed a faint reflection of my own-- had been right. I could breathe easy now. I took a hesitant breath and let it out, enjoying the sheer ease of it. I pushed myself up off the bed I was lying on and stared around. I was in a large, breezy room, filled with delicate treasures and dainty trimmings. Muslin curtains fluttered in the summery wind, and I looked down at myself with wonder. Not quite so pale now, nor nearly as thin and wasted as I had become. My blood-stained Hindi wedding dress had vanished and replaced by a pale yellow gown. My hair was put up, and I slowly reached a doubtful hand up to touch it. Solid.   
  
Am I. . . am I dead? I could disguise the hopeful quaver in my voice. Had I just passed out? Was this a hospital or something? A lopsided smile touched the woman's features.   
  
Your time on earth has passed, Satine. My brows drew together and I stared at her. My time on earth. . . but I'd always imagined heaven. . . well, if I'd dreamed that I'd be allowed in.   
  
How do you. . . are you an angel?   
  
If it comforts you to call me that, yes. She waved a hand around at the room. We try to make it easy for you to adjust.   
  
To being dead? I don't think I was able to disguise the bitterness in my voice then, but she ignored it. She took my hand and looked into my eyes.  
  
There's so much after life on earth, she said gently to me. That's just the birth of your soul, Satine. Now you've stepped into the light. I withdrew my hand and stepped over to the large window. Outside, I could see shining streets that were filled with people. But these people didn't push, didn't shout angry things. Peace fell over the whole scene like a blanket over a sleeping baby. I extended a trembling finger towards the window, but a touch on my shoulder startled me.   
  
Who are you? I repeated again. Looking at her was like looking in a distorted mirror. I could see resemblances to me now that I'd been too confused to see before. The same chin and cheekbones were present in her features.   
  
Your aunt, she said finally. Your parents wanted to meet you here, but we thought that would be too hard on you.   
  
I should think so! I turned away from her with a hiss. I'm surprised they even wanted to come. I know the bitterness in my voice was in full force then, but I couldn't help it. My father had walked out the door shortly after my birth and had never opened it again, and my mother, wrapped up in her own world and the illness that would kill her, had never bothered with me much. My aunt-- whose name I didn't know-- shook her head slowly.   
  
You'll see. There's much to see here.   
  
I want to go back, I said quickly. Christian-- he's the man I love, he needs me, don't you understand that? I felt the start of fresh tears spring to my eyes, but I held them back as I looked pleadingly at my aunt. I said, with all the dignity of a woman begging for one last hope.   
  
She did not speak at first, but instead held me close, cradling me like a small child. I began to cry, knowing then what the answer would be before she spoke it. Quietly, helplessly, the tears slipped down my face. She wiped one away and raised my chin.   
  
Satine, I know about Christian. And there are things for you to do before it is his time to join you--  
  
What things? I demanded harshly. What could be more important than this?   
  
There are wonders out there, Satine. Countless beauties and dreams that are waiting for you to see. You can't wait here for Christian.   
  
Why not? I felt like a sulky child wanting to know why her bedtime couldn't be later. I brushed the feeling aside and stared at my aunt levelly. Well, why not?   
  
You are meant to be somewhere else at this time, Satine. There's growth-- and things to discover-- she sighed and gave up at sight of my face. Well, they warned me you were stubborn. I can offer you another choice.   
  
I stayed silent. If I'd learned anything from my days at the Moulin Rouge, it was that you did not agree until you understood.   
  
You don't say anything. That's wise of you, at least. She sighed deeply. You can go back. No one will see you, or feel you. You'll be draped with a veil that will prevent that. But if you so choose, you can lift the veil and allow one person to see you. That person will come back with you. And no, before you ask, you cannot simply allow the person to see you and leave him behind. He must return with you. Do you understand?   
  
I hesitated for a moment. I'd wanted Christian to go on without me, but I knew the pain he would be experiencing. Wouldn't it be better for both of us if we were together now? My aunt watched me with knowing eyes.   
  
I said after a moment. Yes, I'll go. She nodded slowly, and drew out a shimmering mass of fabric. She unfolded it to reveal a gossamer veil, beautifully woven.   
  
One person, Satine. And he must come with you. Do you have any questions?   
  
Just one, I stood with my arms full of delicate fabric. What's your name? A smile might have touched her features for a moment-- I couldn't be sure.   
  
I nodded, and placed the veil over my head.   
  
The journey back was quick, and not nearly as comforting as the one before. Just a flash of golden light and I stood on the empty stage of the Moulin Rouge. It had been cleared of all the set pieces and props, and the flower petals that had littered the stage were gone. Dust lay thickly on everything, and everything looked broken and tired. How long had it been since my death?   
  
My death. Strange how I had accepted it in that short time since waking up on the bed. I'd always imagined death to be a dreamless sleep, not this-- this strange echo of living. A faint, haunted singing reached my ears, and I glanced up. It wasn't Christian's voice, but it was oddly familiar all the same.   
  
_There was. . . a boy.   
A very strange. . . enchanted boy.   
  
_I ascended the stairs silently, looking around at the empty place. Where were the dancers? Where was Harold? Why did the Moulin Rouge seem like it had died with me?   
  
_They say he wandered very far  
Very far. . over land and sea.  
A little shy. . . and sad of eye. . .  
But very wise was he.   
  
_I recognized the voice now. Toulouse. What was he doing here?  
_  
And then one day. . .  
A magic day he passed my way. . .  
And while we spoke of many things,   
Fools and kings. . .  
This he said to me,   
  
_I shivered. The plaintive melody tugged at my heart and awoke new feelings of loneliness. I had to find Christian and bring him back with me. I had to. I was lost without him. The next words Toulouse sang sent a shiver through me. Familiar words, but I'd never heard them sung so sadly before.   
  
_The greatest thing you'll ever learn  
Is just to love. . .  
And be loved. . . in return.  
  
_Toulouse's voice dropped to a whisper as he finished the song, and I heard muffled sobbing.   
  
Now the woman I loved is dead as well, he said hoarsely, as I stood, frozen to my spot at the pain in his voice. Now I know, Christian, how you felt. . . why you did what you did. . . why you felt what you felt.   
  
Did? Felt? Toulouse didn't mean that Christian had. . .? I pressed my hand against my mouth to stifle my cry. I had to find him. Had to explain to him. Had to bring him back before I lost him.   
  
I won't lose him, I said angrily under my breath as I ran towards his boarding house. I won't lose him. Angry determination went through me. I wouldn't lose the only precious part of my life on earth. He was all I had ever had. The door grudgingly creaked open for me and I ran up the stairs, but the veil I wore kept slowing me down. I cursed quietly and stopped running.   
  
I could hear voices coming from Christian's rooms. His voice-- changed a little, a little emptier-- and another one-- a woman's bright tones. I stood outside the door, my lips trembling as I listened to their conversation.   
  
I love you, the woman said tenderly. And I'd live with you here, Christian. You don't have to be what my parents want you to be. I love you. Her words were followed by a silence in which I waited, my heart suspended in a terrible hope. Please, Christian, tell her she's wrong, tell her it's a mistake. My hope shattered with what Christian said.  
  
I know. But I'll leave this place. Get a real home. I have the money. . . he added whimsically. Just need to spend it.   
  
Thank you, darling. I didn't move. They were kissing. I knew it by the sudden silence that fell over the two of them. He'd forgotten me. But . . .how? Come what may, Christian! You promised. . .  
  
Damn you, Colette! I cried inside. You held me back all this time and now he's forgotten me!  
  
You wanted him to go on. Some other part of my mind supplied her argument.   
  
Shut up! I snarled inwardly. I didn't mean. . . I didn't mean this. _  
  
_Then what did you mean, Satine?   
  
Christian's door opened and a small woman walked out. She wasn't particularly pretty, but she had the most beautiful hair I'd ever seen before. Masses of burnished gold were piled onto her head. Her soft grey eyes flicked over to where I stood, and I understood now what jealousy really was. She reached a small, childlike hand out and extended her parasol, preparing to leave. Christian followed her to the door and handed her a black velvet jacket.   
  
Are you sure you don't want me to walk you out, Nicole? I worry about you coming to Montmartre with only your driver.   
  
Don't worry, Nicole assured him as I stared at Christian in horror. He looked so different. His face was worn and tired, and he had grown a beard in the years since I died. It had to be years. He wouldn't forget me in more than that.   
  
Would he?  
  
All right, Christian said, giving Nicole a quick kiss while I closed my eyes. The painful jealousy ripped through me again. I'll see you at your father's house tonight, then.   
  
Goodbye! I love you!  
  
Love you too! Christian said fondly as she scampered down the stairs. I opened my eyes and stared at him. This couldn't be real. This had to be some sort of vision Colette had cooked up for me, to try and trick me. Christian's smile faded, and he leaned against the doorframe, looking exhausted.   
  
I'll be glad to leave this place, he muttered, turning to go in. Glad to leave all the memories that live here with me. I stopped myself from leaving when I heard that. Could it be. . .?   
  
Christian walked into the room. I followed him hesitantly, drawing my veil close around me. The room was clean and neat, but devoid of any human presence. Christian stayed here, but he didn't live in the apartment any longer. The laughter and love that we had filled it with was gone. Gone with me.   
  
It was then I realized that things had changed too much for me to bring him back now. And I think it was that feeling of helplessness that brought the tears to my eyes.   
  
Oh, Christian. . . oh, Christian!   
  
I couldn't take him back with me. His place was here now. All I could ask was for him to keep the memory of us in our heart. Christian sank down onto the bed, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. I sat down next to him, careful not to brush him with my veil. I hummed lightly, and he turned his head. Could he hear my song? There was only one way to find out.   
  
_Part of you will live in me   
Way down deep inside my heart   
The days keep coming without fail   
A new wind is gonna find your sail   
That's where your journey starts.  
  
_When I had told him to write our story on the day of my death, I had given him a reason to live. And once he had that, he was able to gather the strength to carry on alone. As I had wanted him to. He still had dreams to dream and hope to give in that wonderful soul of his.   
  
_You'll find better love  
Strong as it ever was   
Deep as the river runs  
Warm as the morning sun   
Please remember me.  
  
_There was womanly beauty in those grey eyes that I had hated for a few intense seconds. She had restored a little faith with him, given him back a chance. Something that was beyond me to do. And he would love her. Perhaps not-- well, definitely not-- in the same depth and passion, but a life without love was no life at all. It was not my right to step in and take away what happiness Christian had found on earth.   
  
_Just like the waves down by the shore   
We're gonna keep on coming back for more   
Cause we don't ever wanna stop   
Out in this brave new world you seek   
Oh, the valleys and the peaks   
And I can see you on the top.  
  
_He would succeed. He had his gifts and the drive to make them real. My lips twitched in a sad smile as I thought of him as a father. . . a husband. He would have friends, family, ambitions, joys, and everything that made life worth living. His ideals were as pure and lofty as ever. He would work to make the world a better place, even if he couldn't find the joy he had longed for.   
  
_Remember me when you're out walkin'   
When the snow falls high outside your door   
Late at night when you're not sleepin'   
And light falls across your floor   
When I can't hurt you anymore.  
  
_His time of grief was over. But perhaps, in quiet and tranquil moments when he sat alone, I would come across his mind, and he would remember me. I wanted him to remember me in the happy moments. I wanted him to recall the sweetness of our kisses, the tenderness in our embraces. I could not hurt him any longer if he chose to remember the times when it was the beautiful times of love, and not the goodbyes and pain of afterwards. He carried me in his heart, and through him I would live again on earth.   
  
_You'll find better love  
Strong as it ever was   
Deep as the river runs  
Warm as the morning sun   
Please remember me.  
  
_Christian had not moved once through my song, and at the end of it, I rose. This was not my place now. I belonged in another place. Without him for a time, but with him for all eternity. Tears stung my eyes, and I wiped them away slowly. I walked out the door, stumbling blindly through my tears and veil. At the door, I turned back and whispered my last words on earth to him. Some part of him would hear and take the message to heart.   
  
Don't forget me, Christian. I'll be with you soon enough.   
  
I walked off into the light, my head held high. Colette was standing there, her hand extended to help me.   
  
There now, love, she said gently. Come. I want you to meet some people.   
  
I cast one look back at Christian, still sitting there, his mind filled with thoughts of the future. Abruptly, he rose and typed a single sentence on his typewriter. I craned my neck, trying to see what it is was. The line brought a smile through the tears.   
  
_ Please remember me.  
_  
Oh, Christian, of course I will. _  
_  
**Finis.  
  
**  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Hmm. Weirdness. Did you like? Let me know what you think! I don't own Satine or Christian, but I do own Colette. Please review. . . I will love you forever. Thanks!  
  
The song Please Remember Me belongs to Tim McGraw  



End file.
